I Wish I Had a River
by HollytheKitty
Summary: It's eleven days 'til Christmas, and Amanda wished she had a river to skate away on. Songfic of Joni Mitchell's "River." R&R!


**A/N: An early Christmas fic, sort of. R&R!**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I do not own the Kingdom Keepers, nor do I own the song "River." They belong to Ridley Pearson and Joni Mitchell, respectively.<strong>

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><p><span>I Wish I Had a River<span>

Amanda sighed as she closed her locker. Finals had just ended, and around her students chatted excitedly to one another about their Christmas plans. If only she could be so happy.

She wasn't sure how she had gotten through the exams. The whole time, all she could think of was that awful talk replaying in her head over and over again.

She had screwed up big time, that was for sure.

As she exited the building, she turned her head, hoping to see him. Would he talk to her? She doubted it. No reasonable person would after what she had said to him. Then again, she reminded herself, when had Finn ever been reasonable?

The smile that had been brought to her lips quickly vanished as she saw the decorations outside. **HAPPY HOLIDAYS**, one of the signs read. Happy? Not likely.

_It's coming on Christmas _

_They're cutting down trees _

_They're putting up reindeer _

_And singing songs of joy and peace_

She sighed again. Why had she said that? Looking back, it seemed ridiculous.

Doing him a favor? As if! They were all in danger—she could do nothing to change that. If only she had realized earlier.

Outside on the green lawns, Amanda struggled to stop from colliding with people.

Why did it have to be so crowded? She didn't want to be around them, be here while she still had the ever-so-frightening possibility of running into him. She wanted nothing more then to get away, to escape from her 70-degree prison.

_Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

She thought back to her winters in Maryland with Jess and the other Fairlies. They had spent hours outside in the snow, taking in the festive Christmas atmosphere. All of that was absent in Florida—the lowest it had reached this year was 42. No white Christmas for her. When she got older, she would spend one more winter in Maryland, simply for nostalgia's sake.

_But it don't snow here _

_It stays pretty green _

_I'm going to make a lot of money _

_Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene_

She walked into her room and sat down on her bed. Jeannie glanced at her. "Where's your boyfriend?" She mocked. "You've been pretty quiet lately. Normally you can't shut up."

"Can it, Puckett." Jess warned, glaring at her. She turned her gaze to Amanda.

"You okay?" She asked softly.

Amanda buried her head into her pillow. "Leave me alone." She mumbled.

_Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on _

_I wish I had a river so long _

_I would teach my feet to fly _

_I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

Amanda thought of the Wednesday before. Had really been only a week? It felt like forever. She remembered how the night had started out. The two of them had gone to see a movie together. She couldn't remember what it was about—some cheesy comedy film.

They had hung out in the park afterwards, laughing and just enjoying each other's company. Being around him relaxed her.

_He tried hard to help me _

_You know, he put me at ease _

_And he loved me so naughty _

_Made me weak in the knees_

Then he brought up the Overtakers. She didn't think he meant to upset her. He probably just wanted to know her opinion.

But things turned sour. She thought about her parents and her powers, and began to worry. What if she hurt him? She would never forgive herself.

Ever since her parent's accident, Amanda had a tendency to push people away. She had tried to do this to Finn before, but he wouldn't have any of it. He joked that he was like a human yo-yo—no matter how hard Amanda tried, he would always come back to her.

But was that still the case?

_Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

"You can't be around me," she remembered saying to him. She remembered his puzzled expression, how he had told her to calm down and think rationally.

"It'll be fine, Amanda. We've been together for months. Why would you hurt me now?" He had asked. "Everything will be fine."

If only she had listened to him.

"No it won't be!" She had screamed. "I have to go."

"Amanda." His voice was calm as ever. He grabbed her arm as she turned around to leave. She shook it off.

"Just go away, Finn." She had said, trying her best not to cry. "Just get away from me."

"Amanda—"

"GO!" She pushed her arms out, and, without thinking, knocked him to the ground. She covered her mouth, surprised, before turning around and running away.

_Oh, I wish I had a river so long _

_I would teach my feet to fly _

_I wish I had a river _

_I could skate away on _

_I made my baby say goodbye_

"Amanda?"

Amanda blinked, brought back to the present. "I'm fine," she insisted to her sister. "Everything's fine."

"You're crying." Jeannie pointed out. There was no maliciousness in her voice.

Rather, she sounded... sympathetic.

Amanda wiped the tears from her eyes, having been oblivious. She stood up suddenly.

"Where are you going?" Jess questioned, curiosity and empathy mixed in her voice.

"Just... out for a walk." Amanda answered, leaving the room.

She walked around aimlessly outside, staring at the sidewalk and avoiding eye contact with the curious passerby's.

She reached a neighborhood after a few minutes. She stopped in her tracks.

Something about it looked familiar...

Looking up, she realized that, unconsciously, she had walked to Finn's house. It was decorated with lights and fake Christmas trees.

She walked to the front door. A wreath had placed there, along with a wooden sign that read, **ONLY 11 DAY 'TILL X-MAS!**

_It's coming on Christmas _

_They're cutting down trees _

_They're putting up reindeer _

_And singing songs of joy and peace_

She automatically lifted her hand to ring the doorbell, but stopped herself. Was it really wise to go in there? Finn might refuse to talk to her.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, a small, reasonable voice in her head said. Finn wouldn't do that.

Maybe, she thought, but talking to him would definitely be difficult. But what if it was? He might forgive her. Then it would be worth it.

But was she brave enough? It was in her nature to push people away. Talking things out—it wasn't her thing. She hated confrontation. She rather just run away.

But she didn't want to push people away. She had always wished she could break that awful habit, and this could be her prime opportunity.

She lifted her hand again, but hesitated. Was it really the best choice?

Yes, she thought immediately. It had to be. The question was, could she? She doubted it.

She looked at her shaking hand. She knew her choice. It wouldn't be the easy one, but sometimes you had to make hard decisions. For love.

She rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer.

"Amanda?"

"Hi, Finn. Can we talk?"

"Uh, sure. Come in."

She took a deep breath and stepped into the house. It would be worth it, she thought. She just had to be brave.

_I wish I had a river I could skate away on_


End file.
